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Preface and Acknowledgments
Creating this book was a joyous and fulfilling experience. To feel that I have something worthy of sharing with others and to bring it to fruition on the printed page has been most gratifying. Although the whole process relentlessly captured my constant attention, I enjoyed the challenge of unraveling the events that have shaped my story.
The stories in this book are portrayed as my perception and memory of events. Other people might recall them differently. They are intended to illustrate my learning process and personal development. Any reference to persons living or dead is not intended to be hurtful.
I never considered myself to be a writer. Oh yes, I understand most of the basics of English grammar, and I can put together a decent sentence as well as a coherent paragraph, but beyond this I need a bit of help. On my side is the fact that I am intelligent, well organized, and a good details person. Furthermore, I learned a lot about writing from several books on the subject and the skilled editing people who have assisted me.
Writing this book might have been an overwhelming task were it not for the assistance of many wonderful people. In every case, however, I made the final decision about what to keep and what to change. Therefore, I take sole responsibility for the end result.
CONTENTS
Endorsements
Dedication
Title Page
Copyright Page
Contents………………vii
Preface and Acknowledgments………………xv
Thank You
The Naked Truth………………1
Defying the Menace of Red-Hot Coals
Moving Beyond limitations
Leads to New Healing Techniques
The Structure of die Book
My Hope for You: A Joyous Healing Journey
PART I………………7
Who Am I?
Seeing Challenges as Gifts—Opportunities for Learning and Growth
Introduction to Chapters………………1-3
Chapter 1………………9
Getting the News, Learning to React
Responding to Rejection
Adjusting to Declining Vision
Finding a New Career, Quickly!
A Fresh Start
Changing Course
A Spirit of Determination
Chapter 2………………19
Reality Sinks in, Lessons Learned
An Inauspicious Beginning
A New Self-Concept
Functioning as a Partially Sighted Person
Making Adjustments
Lost in a Maze
Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom
Chapter 3………………29
Patience, Perseverance, and a Sense of Humor
Mastering speaking Skills
A New Direction
The Two-Minute Skit
A Touch of Romance
The Value of Humor
Getting Ahead
Campus Unrest
Columbus after Five Hundred Years 2000 or Bust
PART II………………41
Emotional Development and Family Relationships
Introduction to Chapters 4-9
Chapter 4………………43
Good People, Twisted Relationships
The Children
The Adults
Parents’ Relationship
The Missing Pieces
Mother’s Heart in the Right Place
Chapter 5………………55
Emerging Into Adulthood with Blessings and Conflicts
A Lack of Affection
Four Incidents That Shaped My life
Trouble on die Roof
The Cottage Incident
Playing Tarzan
A Crushing Disappointment
The Impact
Emotional Baggage
Chapter 6………………71
Passage into Adulthood
Joyous Summers
Romantic Encounters and Boosted Self-Esteem
Coming to Grips with College life
An Unanticipated Turn of Events
An Unexpected Moment of Glory
An Exhilarating Summer
Chapter 7………………81
Coming of Age Amidst Family strife
Betrayal and Estrangement
Reconciliation Fails
A Final Futile Attempt
Graduate Studies at Last
Coming of Age Professionally
The Final Push
Success with Emotional Issues
The Vicissitudes of Romance
Chapter 8………………93
The Great Equalizer
A Cathartic Healing Leads to a Crack in the Esttangement
An Unexpectedly Pleasant Reunion
Death Catches Me Off Guard
Ambivalent Feelings
The Aftermath
My Father and His Family
My Older Brother Dave
My Younger Brother Chuck
Chapter 9………………105
Tension, Separation, and Another Reconciliation
Christmas Stress
On the Brink of a Blow-Up
Emotional Paralysis
Mother’s Childhood History: The Relationships
Mother’s Childhood History? The Setting
Sins of the Father
Father’s Own Childhood
Tragic Lives
Reconciliation and a New Beginning
PART III………………119
Medical Impediments Provide a Basis for Later Healing
The Emotional Block
Early Traumas
Three Stages That Produced the Emotional Block
Two Phases Through Which the Block Revealed Itself
Chapter 11………………131
Phase One—Erratic Healing
The Initial Dilemma
The Challenges Intensify
My Greatest Joy
A Major Difficulty
A Major Triumph
Somaticizing Stress
Offbeat Healing Ventures
Chapter 12………………139
Phase Two—The Smoking Gun
Needles in My Back
Major Successes at Work
The Flu That Wouldn’t Quit
Psychotherapy Goes Awry
Friendships on the Rocks
Job Search Promotes Healing
Forearms Impaired
Meditation as a Healing Tool
Down, but Not Out
PART IV………………151
Passages into Healing
Introduction to Chapters 13-17
Chapter 13………………153
Suggestions for Growth and Healing
Affirmations and Positive Self-Talk
Read Inspiring Books and Biographies
Listen to Audio Tapes
List Your Positive Qualities
Make a Victory List
Assist Others
Consider Inexpensive Ways of Giving
Join a Support Group
A Powerful Healing Technique
Chapter 14………………173
Healing Techniques and Transformations
Using an Affirmation to Heal Resentments Toward Mother
A Caution for die Anger Technique
The Anger Technique and the Healing Transformation (HT)
A Profound Healing
Using die Anger Technique to Heal Resentments Toward Father
A False Alarm and a Turning Point
Another Way to Use the Technique
Forgiveness
Summarizing Thoughts
The Anger Technique in Brief
Chapter 15………………189
The Grieving Process
Reinventing an Old Path to Healing
A Caution for die Grieving Process
An Incredible Healing Journey
More HTs: Numbers Five Through Eight
Reflections on HTs Four Through Eight
Welcome Results
The Grieving Process in Brief
Chapter 16………………201
The Final Hurdle: stalking the Emotional Block
Further Attempts to Heal the Emotional Block
The Joy of Self-Disclosure
Generating Good Feelings
The Love-in Party
Speaking Engagements
A Possible Romance
Chapter 17………………211
Anticipating a Breakthrough
Coming to Terms
A Few Remaining Considerations
Closing Thoughts
Appendix A………………217
Unusual Family Anecdotes
My Father’s Father
The Family of My Father’s
Mother My Mother’s Family
Appendix B………………223
References
Appendix C………………227
Bibliography
Appendix D………………231
Audiotape Resources
Appendix E………………233
Successes and victories for Fred Craver in Narrative Form
Childhood
Junior High and High School
College Years
Graduate School
Fisher Years
Moving to the Boston Area
Emerging in New Directions
Working at the Army Research Laboratory
Toastmasters
NSA New England
The Healing
The Book
An Invitation………………241
Index………………243
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